Saturday, July 12, 2003 - 03:38 a.m.
[ ah anger is gooood ]
~ i said before, when i was angry, i felt happy. to me, the feelings are one and the same. when i'm happy, i get violent, when i'm violent i'm happy. violence may not solve anything, but thats what makes it great, coz we all deserve to be wiped out anyways. i never really said it to anyone, but i'm a nihilist. eep. no fuckin pansy anarchist, i hate those stupid cunts. you're just wastes like any other protester or even those on the other side. you fight pointlessly. i get disappointed everytime i see some kids with bandanas around their face marchin around like fucknits. come on, you want change? FUCKING DO SOMETHING TO CAUSE CHANGE! and don't come back onto me, worry about yourself, i can handle what i want to change, and i will. we don't deserve anything. its time like these, i want... just to destroy everything we have created. society in general. god this sounds like teen angst. but i know its not, this world is not something i can conform to. society is created from a conflict. as is everything. law vs innovation. those that try to control and those that try to develop new. fuck tradition, i'm not held by what others before did, i hold no loyalty, i swore no allegiance. and if i ever do, my fingers are crossed. there's too many things i want and don't want in this world, but i only see it from my eyes. i only feel the pain that i feel. some starving kid in africa. nope. a jew in a concentration camp. nope. knowing this world is shit. yep. what really ticks me is how the most extreme of our views are nicely put into lyrics and slid into cd cases. punk. all this anti-ness, where does it manifest itself? playin hackeysack and smokin up? peace this, fuckers ,.|.. it all comes down to what we will do in life. how we will reach out to others, touch them. you'll feel my touch. i'm no terrorist. i'm not your enemy. you brought it upon yourself. i want to emerge from this darkness i've been born into. it's a challenge in my life. fuck money. christ. we will fuck this world up so much just for a higher number in some bank account. thats all you've become. i'm fuming now thinking about this. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU BE LIKE THAT? there is other life in this world, and they dont have currency. look at yourselves one day, coz i know you won't today. the only day will be when you're dying, and i hope it comes soon so you'll be one less maggot on this world. and don't use my profanity as an excuse to dismiss my thoughts, bitch. this is my last entry. feedback is welcomed @ email
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday, July 11, 2003 - 12:52 a.m.
[ he's behind you! ]
~ FULL NAME: rob hentai (haha, no its not gough...o_O)
YOU NAMED AFTER ANYBODY: cartoon porno :D
NICKNAMES: lg ....uh i think :P
PARENT'S NAMES: deb and john
SIBLINGS: chris (28), jackie (25?)
NUMBER OF CANDLES ON YOUR NEXT B-DAY CAKE: 19
DATE THAT YOU REGULARY BLOW THEM OUT: oct 27, but i'll probably be too wasted, so probably nov 3rd or so this year :D
ANIMALS?: molly (dog), missi (cat) and no, i didn't name them
HEIGHT?: 5'8"
PIERCING: none, dammit
TATTOOS: none, dammit again
SCARS: forehead hairline and right calf
HOMETOWN: born in cold lake, but its ottawa i guess... hate this place o_O
WHO DO YOU LIKE: next question @__@"
ARE YOU DATING SOMEONE: nopes
ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH ANYONE: *scratches chin* hmmmmm
WHEN WAS YOUR LAST HOSPITAL CHECK IN: grade 2, see scars^
DO YOU SMOKE: not tobacco
DO YOU DO ANY DRUGS: weed... rarely tho :P
HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU FAIL YOUR DRIVERS TEST? none~ got 3 wrong tho, phew
DO YOU BELIEVE IN OUIJA BOARD? never tried
RESTAURANT: caseys, milestones, i prefer cafes
SCHOOL: ghs... fuckin hell
MASCOT: gator, raawwrr
SHOESIZE: eight
HAIR COLOUR: brown (dyed often tho)

HAVE YOU EVER....
HAD A DRINK: haha, yea~
BEEN IN LOVE: too many times
BEEN TOILET PAPERED: newp
GONE SKINNY DIPPING?: once, recently o_O

EITHER OR
CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: both suck
2 DOORS OR 4 DOORS ON YOUR CAR?: well, the bus has 3 sometimes o_O
Mr.PIBB OR Dr.PEPPER: pibb? wtf?
BLANKET OR STUFFED ANIMAL: more fun when 2 ppl have blanket :D
SHAMPOO OR CONDITIONER: like i can tell the diff
HOW MANY PILLOWS : just a body pillow
BRIDGES OR TUNNELS: i'm scared of tunnels o_O
ADIDAS OR NIKE?: nike, adidas is too euro
GIRLS WITH OR WITHOUT HATS?: backwards hats are yummy
BEVERLY HILLS 90210 OR DAWSONS CREEK: the nine-oh!
7th HEAVEN OR PARTY OF FIVE: christian values, pish, screw em both, tho lacey is hot :D
APPLES OR ORANGES: oranges... without pulp!!
CHOCOLATE OR FLOWERS: chocoyumolate

ASSOCATION (FRIST THING THAT COMES TO MIND)
WHEN YOU HEAR THE NAME...:
MATT: wigger
ANNA: runner
RICHARD: dick
BOB: punk
DREW: ugly
STEPHANIE: french
JENNA: porn
EMMA: bow and arrow
JASON: knives
AARON: should be erin
DIANA: bbq sauce
DANIELLE: cousin
BRITTANY: blonde
CHRIS: dork
JOEL: soul
YOUR OPINION ON...

THE DEATH PENALTY: well, they won't catch me, so i don't care
RUDE BOYS: sounds like a porno... wtf?
GOTHS: attention seeking life squanderers

---------------FAVOURITES------------------
Shampoo: pert plus
Summer/Winter: FUCK WINTER!!!
Cartoon character: spike spiegel
Food: sprinkles :D
Movies: cowboy bebop!!
Ice Cream: oh goooddddd, no ice cream~~!
Person to talk to on-line: frankie!!!!!
Scent: spicy foods~
Color: black, grrrrrrrrrr, hehe
Types of Music: punk and jpop.... wow those 2 do not mix
Sport: i'm canadian, what do you think?
Alcoholic Drink: canadian club... straight ../ >_<
Actor: jason statham
Actress: nat portman, zhang ziyi
Place: dock on a calm lake

---RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW---
Wearing: shorts, tshirt, black zip-hoodie Drinking: hot coco
Thinking about: dock on a lake :D

---IN THE LAST 24 HOURS---
Cried: nope MET SOMEONE NEW: yep CLEANED YOUR ROOM: hahaha! you have no idea
DROVE A CAR: nope

---DO YOU BELIEVE IN---
YOURSELF: defo
YOUR FREINDS: nope
TOOTH FAIRY? really now...
DESTINY/FATE: control control control, who gives a fuck
Angels: only if they kick the shit out of stuff with cool swords and fly around
Ghosts: not really
UFO's: could happen

---FRIENDS AND LIFE---
Who's your dearest: my 18yr old teddy bear ^_^
Who's the loudest: alex, haha, crazy shithead :D!
Who's the shyest: me ... -_-
Best from Opposite sex: she might read this... so no say... uh oh! :D
Who do you go to for advice: frankie :P
Who do you cry to: my arms, knees and pillow

christ that was a long fucker... haha phew~
mood> tired, excited, funky
music> x - forever love (acoustic), infected mushroom - never ever land, GMS - Overdose
clofes> if you read above, you would know
plans> beat some robots up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, July 3, 2003 - 04:06 a.m.
[ wow... amazing ]
~ it's crazy, things can change so much. there isn't much you can do about it, it's just some nice transition. music does help and i strongly suggest some miles davis if you're feelin down or angry. the guy is amazing... wow. not much to say, words can't represent these feelings. but i'll call it booyakishi from now on. yea... it's a great day, and it'll be good coz miles and the gorilla has got me now. rawr. ^^

mood> booyakishi x1000
music> miles davis - jeru/so what/take five, oasis - fucking in the bushes
clofes> same as earlier :P
plans> ahh, who cares. let it come, i've got ya number~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, July 3, 2003 - 12:19 a.m.
[ it's not lost, i fucking killed it ]
~ it's the small things in life. simple things. but people become so fucking complex in everything, they forget them. the nice things. thinking too much, wanting too much, not getting enough. fuck everyone of you like this. i can't stand it like this anymore. i need to replace all these worthless fakes in my life, they are just bringing me into their own sad pathetic worlds. those that i know who read this, i'm not talking about you. i always ask this, why do people have to make choices, we don't really have anyways, can't you just do what feels good? i want to forget language, civilization, relations, love... those are the causes of pain. face it. i won't let anyone ever tell me what is right and wrong. i don't need to decide, i know it. and it's sad that you don't. i'm replacing you now... i want life. i want to smile. i want too much. i don't even feel like this anymore. i won't make a decision to hate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, July 2, 2003 - 10:20 p.m.
[ *snatch* ]
~ somethin i picked up some whiny kid's lj...hahahaha, jk~


First bike: A Blue K-Mart BMX
First best friend(s): My Sis/bro, Anthony, Joey
First real memory of something: Running away when I was 5
First car: Hotwheels
First date: Sarah in Gr.6
First kiss: Sarah in Gr.6
First break-up: Sarah in Gr.6, hahaha
First job: None yet
First screen name: Twit
First self purchased album: Korn - Follow the Leader
First funeral: Refuse to go to any, I won't pity the dead
First pet: Tara the Irish-setter
First piercing/tattoo: Get back to ya in 3wks :D
First independent home: Tent in my backyard
First house/flat/apartment: PMC in Coldlake
First credit card: None
First love: Ashley Hines
First enemy: Luke
First big trip: Drivin from Alberta to Ontario
First play/musical/performance: A Traditional New Zealand half-naked dance for X-Mas Concert
First musician you remember hearing in your house: AC/DC
Last good cry: 3-4wks ago
Last library book checked out: Digital Photgraphs (haven't returned yet, from last year)
Last movie seen: Cowboy Bebop :D
Last book read: Glue - Irvine Welsh
Last cuss word uttered: fucker
Last beverage drank: Water
Last food consumed: Stale Pizza
Last crush: Erin Holtby
Last kiss: Yin...last week
Last phone call: Alex in TO
Last tv show watched: 6 o'clock News
Last time showered: This morning
Last shoes worn: Grey Airwalks
Last cd played: Utada Hikaru - First Love
Last item bought: Blockbuster late charges
Last downloaded: Samurai Jack Theme Song
Last annoyance: My stomach
Last disappointment: My parents
Last soda drank: Coke
Last word written: grrrrrrrrr
Last key used: Car keys
Last word spoken: fucker
Last sleep: 5 hrs (6am-11am)
Last im: see ya~
Last weird encounter: Kid staring at me in mall and I walked into him
Last ice cream eaten: OH GOD NO ICE CREAM!
Last time amused: <@cky> ya theres like some wierd sound thing at like 38 sec
Last time wanting to die: 3-4wks ago (see last cry)
Last time in love: 3-4wks ago... did it die?
Last time hugged: Last week
Last chair sat in: My comp chair
Last lipstick used: ~~
Last shirt worn: Matix
Last time dancing: This afternoon to Millencolin
Last webpage visited: Here

that was fun, ^^ heh.

mood> def weird.
music> DJ Hektik - Konfliktpotential
clofes> khakis, firefly hoodie, black shirt, my l.d.s.p.
plans> learn how to do dnb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, July 1, 2003 - 10:46 p.m.
[ in other words... ]
~ well, i just feel punked out right now. but whats punked out i wonder, a make believe feeling i guess. gee~ just listenin to this punk music (operation ivy/propagandhi/mi6), police sirens and fireworks, ya just dont feel like anything special anymore. ooh lookie!



aww, so awesome~ but they didn't have a yuffie award, so i guess i'm aeris next. tho i probably taste more like paint than sugar today. gaah-eak, i did a horrible job at paintin the outside window frames, or at least i think so. plain white. needed some black stars i think. XD

readin around on these sites, like lj/dj/xanga/etc i see a lot of people write about what they did that day and shit, i didn't realize that, hmmm. its probably more intersting than my lilqueerthots. ah well. i watched the rest of neon genesis evangelion today. great great series, but seriously, what the fuck was up with the last 2 eps? all this philosophical talk, what am i? what defines me? what gives me value? it was kinda neat, but should have been earlier in the series so they could have some supergiantass fight between some bruce-lee lookin angels and the 3 evas. well, i haven't seen the movies yet, prolly sometime next week when i get back from campin. :D booyakakishi! its one of those things you don't really want to do, but ya love it afterwards, like summer camp or first day of school. speaking of which, i have to fix that fuckup i did, get registered back, or i might have to switch schools. tho i wouldn't mind that, coz everyones gone already from my school. just me. the stupid failing kid. haha. i guess this year i should try, y'know, get some good grades, get into a univ (college, meh, i know i can do better), and then get started on something, not sure if they have photography classes in univ or not. that would defo wicky~

my parents left for some breakfast thing this morning and put the hellhound in my room without waking me up. then i did and found my hat all ripped up!! ahhh, serenity now, serenity now, serenity now. it actually kinda looks better now, i put some safety pins in it to give it more of a homestyle-punk look. mmmm. making good noises.

feels like thats all, but i want to talk some more, no one is online and its sooo dull. not boring, i never got bored. really. i don't mind strangers lookin at this stuff, tho people i know irl, i don't really want too, unless i have an understanding wif em. heh heh. ^_~ hi. hey. i'm gonna put a pic up as i am writin these words, so..yea. i love myself. evangelion taught me that. and now i'm gonna get some naruto on some friends advice -> domo-kunkuns the spesheal~

Tuesday, July 1, 2003 - 02:46 a.m.
[ fight my father ]
~ how will i ever feel like crying anymore? doesn't seem possible when i've seen the harshest things that can rip me down and suffered from them. i cried that one morning, after the night i had lost someone. but their not dead, my heart still beats and i can still hold them safely in there without worry. who ever wants these things to happen, to anyone? doesn't everyone feel a flow around them? that warm feeling, how can you give it up? i'll never understand that about some people, the ease they have, the fields of lies they plant themselves in. i still feel pressure, anger and hatred, but thats how things go, ai? if you live your entire life thinking you're happy, you end up miserable, coz that day will come, it will crash down on your fucking world when everything floods in and then you'll know, you are alone. i survived that day, i have no scars, its no longer pain for me, its a happy little defect.
what's so complex about life, really? maybe i'm just oblivious to it, but i can embrace the simple things, not just understand them, but enjoy, use and feel them. it all comes back to flow, shit happens, and i can't give answers on how to stop it, and no one else can either. why would you want to stop anything? but there is a philosphy/idea i believe in, and this is where it might get scary...
those who wish pain, suffering, death, anguish upon others, will have it brought upon themselves. what goes around, comes around. what i mean is if anyone tried to really hurt me or anyone i care about, i would have them struck down. simple. i don't want to harm anyone who lives their lives in happy little bubbles, but there always those mean cunts in this world that we would just be better off. i can't name them, but you know them in that moment. ah, well. if it comes to that, i won't hesitate, vengeance is human nature at its second best... of course we all know what the best part of human nature is though... ooohh ai ai.
i do want to get away from things in this world, but being away from it only does worse sometimes. we can change things, go along with them, or hide with them. innovators, law, society, respectively. i want to be an innovator, change things. but if you are willing to understand, i don't want to hurt people, but there are things we get too attached to, and we only hurt ourselves from this addiction to, eh, materialism, i think thats the right word. i'm talking about art pretty much, cars too. yea, those things, we have just for pride. well fuck, i want to steal them, i can't help it. i don't care about what it's worth, though it would have to be worth a hefty amount to prove its worthlessness. i just want it for glory. i took something you prized and know you're sad coz you lost something that doesn't matter. can i rationalize stealing? yea, it's not such a bad thing. if someone stole from me...? there is no if, we don't need to say should, could or would either. there is only what we did, we want and considerations. the mona lisa is my goal. it doesn't do us a whole lot of good anyways. can't cure cancer, can't play guitar, can't tell us how to live proper lives. would you miss it? i don't care for what it looks like, just people's attachment to it is sickening, as with all useless, worthless things we have just to show off. i am not going to steal it and show off, i'll prolly just return it after i did a quick snatch, y'know. maybe i'd write something on it, MISTAR T ROOLEZ. yea. oh yea.

it's late again. life as a smile. fight my father. things i thought once. now i hum pretty good.

mood> very cool. not very sore. but very cool.
music> yellowcard - sure shot/cigarette/everywhere
clofes> ripped khakis, bad religion shirt, hat, my lucky decapitated sock puppet.
plans> find some sushi joints. find some new anime. find what i lost.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday, June 30, 2003 - 01:58 a.m.
[ trust me ]
~ i'm absolutely hideous today. happily ugly. there's nothing to get me off, but a feeling in my gut. explode and dance. wahoo~. it's no lie i want to hate and be angry sometimes, when the songs change or get quiet, but the build-up, the explosion grabs me and lifts you above everything else in this world. i'm no longer afraid of whatever daunts me. i can smile in its face, coz someone's holding me, around the waist. and it's a gorilla. it's the music that we choose. in-fuckin-deed. here we go.
i want to work everything out now, a complete cool, understanding is all i can do. but if you're there, i can be beside you, as long as you just smile back without knowing that i love you. am i talking about someone? i don't know. maybe it was that girl in the mall today. a moment. a beautiful moment that just is too good for your memory. it's not like it faded, but more like it absorbed into me. i felt stupid lookin with this retardedly badly done haircut, carrying a nestea. but i had cool pants. oh, the labret. oh oh oh. bai-e-yea.
we shouldn't have to be faced with losing anything. embrace everything with complete love, all of it. from iguanas to destruction to pocky. it's all there, in the jungle, in our lives. just be open, don't lie, don't think about being yourself, just do it. go with the fucking flow. ah i love swearing when i'm happy, exemplifies everything around me. roses are brighter, the ground is smoother, your voice is sweeter on my ears, the future feels so warm. don't be afraid of it. ohh-woo-hoo. fucking. ah yes, i can feel the sunshine now in the middle of the night. from this plastic keyboard, shining into my fingers, and i'm just makin love to it. any girl with breasts like a keyboard should just phone me up. everythings coming out now. i love this journal
but then of course, the dark days arrive. my perception of this world and the motherfuckers trying to run it. i don't need them, anarchy is natural of all humans. against the authority, all authority. we rebel our parents, reject their ways, but we eventually just settle in their shadows. job. wife. mortgage. will. last rites. life shouldn't be able to be written down in such few words. life shouldn't even be a word, just a smile or a frown. :), no frowns today, thank ya.

mood> like a shining star. but who says it has to be pretty to shine?
music> gorillaz - 19-2000 (soulchild remix)/clint eastwood/latin simone
clofes> khakis. belt. white long sleeve under firefly shirt. hat over my stupid short hair.
plans> start something wonderful. get cool. just smile as long as i can.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday, June 29, 2003 - 01:38 a.m.
[ virgin for the third time ]
~ well...this is like my third post, but i deleted the ones before. its weird how my mind changes so much. yesterday i hated someone so much i wrote a nasty-ass long-ass email-ass yesterday, but i didn't send it...now i don't think i feel that way anymore. the anger made me happy and smile, still does now, but no more hate... all i want to say about that.
can't go running still, fuckin leg is brutal. definitely not worth the risk of something worse happening. need something else to do now, keep up my motivation and spirit. not that it gave me any, but we all need some. i think it would be good for me, but damn damn damn weak legs.
found out a new passion tho, bmxing ^^. i've always wanted to get into this, now i finally can, steady cash flow and a target, a dragonfly dfx, a beauty doublebutted with doublewall rims (must have for me) comin in at 16kg. oh yea, and its 00...whoops, back to the wtp airwen for 0-ish, its lighter but i dunno...expensive is better in sports. of course i'm just starting but i want something that will last me, coz i know i wont quit on this. cruisin around downtown, pegsliding on rails, benches, hopping over things, wheelies on walls...omg...
alrighty, finish chattin up and im headin to bed...big day of absolutely fuckin nothin tommorow, maybe i'll write somethin up.
maybe.

mood> relieved. wicked. quiet.
music> gackt - tsukino uta
clofes> ripped khakis. matix shirt. hat.
plans> get a bmx. get a quik schoolbag. start something horrible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~